Duff student’s sex educationI didn’t ever get a proper education, and as far as sex goes I knew what I wanted to know and that was all. Though it wasn’t very much – in fact, it was just about zero. From realising I was only interested in solo-sex in the early 60s (not that I had other options even if I wanted them) up to the late 80s, I was shielded from more or less anything apart from what I saw in my magazines, and lucky views I got. I was more than satisfied with that – from the early 60s I got a lot of satisfaction watching girls from my window and rubbing into ecstasy. Getting a prolonged view of a girl’s knickers or bulging top at work would induce spontaneous ejaculation into my underpants.It was in the 80s in Soho, on one of my many trips to dirty bookshops that I first saw porn, a magazine cover which I didn’t understand – I couldn’t really see what was going on and didn’t stop to examine it, as it made me feel uneasy and queasy. I know now of course that porn had been around a long time by then, though usually censored or banned. Later in the 80s they’d introduced VHS tapes, and I saw one playing in a dirty bookshop. Up till then I’d never thought about what sex was for, what men and women did. I didn’t have any relations with women and didn’t talk to them, apart from what was required in the line of my work. When I saw films, men and women were in bed together, but always kept their clothes on. So that VHS tape was a shock, I didn’t twig straightaway what was going on, it seemed almost like a sort of violent, horror movie, and it was only the reaction of the lady serving in the shop that in an instant made it all fall in place in my mind – much to Her amusement. Over the next couple of decades, there was an explosion of permissiveness and explicitness in porn, such that I could no longer buy magazines (apart from vintage ones). Not only did mags start to show everything, but men were increasingly being featured, to begin with just there, but then genitals followed, and then sex was depicted more and more graphically. Back then, I didn’t get further than the covers and after a while, buying a mag for the girl on the cover but then not being able to look at any of the pics inside, I stopped buying them altogether. It’s only looking back on it now, with the benefit of the Internet, that I’m fully aware of what was happening – or at least as much as I want to be aware, which is not very much. It wasn’t really until the Internet, the late 90s and early 2000s, that increasingly knowledge of what sex was actually all about – as opposed to a voyeur like me who was happy with fully-dressed, to skimpy-dressed girls, just seeing that to get all the sex pleasure I needed – was forced upon me. Fast forward to now, and with just a click of the mouse you can be seeing graphic sex scenes – which appear for a split second before I hastily move on, I still get that uneasy queasy feeling. So, along the way, things I learned, and my misunderstandings before it finally became clear – What is a blow-job?I remember back at school, having to engage in conversations with classmates and not show my ignorance, and certainly not disclose I was just a wanker – that would have been suicide back then for sure. Of course, I also had to boast about my ‘exploits’ to cover the fact I had no dealings with girls at all – the other blokes boasts featured the names of the girls which were on my lips as I masturbated thinking about them the night before. I had to be very careful that what I said didn’t expose the fact I hadn’t got the faintest idea what I was talking about – I didn’t even know what girls looked like naked and had only briefly seen – and put aside – censored nudes in Harrison Marks mags which for years I thought depicted what women actually looked like.I think blow-jobs had a number of names back then, but I remember the first time I heard it used, thinking, ‘how weird. Does it mean blowing over the end of your knob? What does that do?’ Then later aliağa escort thinking, ‘does a girl actually blow down the slit in the tip? Is it supposed to inflate your balls? What’s the point of that?’ I was just glad I didn’t have to worry about knowing what to do, because it was never going to happen – I was more than content just to look, not see a lot but enjoy going into ecstasy as I watched girls, a true voyeur and wanker. Doggy style.This was always the cause of jokes at school, but to begin with I didn’t realise it was a sex subject, and I was lucky not to have been exposed as a cheat then, who’d never had sex relations and was a perv, a wanker. I thought it must be something to do with how you ate or drank, until once at work, years later, somebody told a joke about it and then the penny dropped. By that time my illusions about a lot of elements of sex had been overturned. Missionary positionThis had me foxed for years, and it was usually quoted in the context of boredom, prissiness, or whatever. Usually someone was saying, “oh yeah, it’ll only be the missionary position for her”. With the connection with primness, I assumed it would be a certain type of woman who would adopt a lecturing position like a missionary in Africa or something, and tell people off. Double penetration.This was something I heard in more recent times, when I had a vague idea of what went on when men and women ‘did stuff’ (following the famous VHS tape in the sex shop). I didn’t want to give it too much thought but when you hear something you don’t understand, there is a natural curiosity, and initially I associated it with the fact that sometimes I’d ejaculate very quickly in my underpants seeing something nice or hearing something very sexy – raised skirt or lots of cleavage, or Miss Melanie calling me a wanker that very first time – so I assumed it was when the penis had entered only twice and that was enough for ejaculation. Premature ejaculation….which follows on from the previous item. I didn’t understand how you would cum before you were supposed to, I thought it meant before anything had happened, and I couldn’t work out the mechanics of that. Then I had a couple of experiences, one looking at the cover of a mag in a shop which made me cum in my underpants before I’d even got hard. The same thing happened when I heard a girl say something very sexy, and I shot in my pants before I’d even had a chance to get stiff. That seemed to me to explain what this meant very well. Breast reliefI read this a lot in the model ads in the Sport, in the days when I’d dream of going along to a studio and seeing girls pose. This particularly excited me because, seeing as it was an ad for a model, I thought the ‘breast relief’ it referred to was cumming seeing Her show Her breasts – which I would definitely do, in fact just seeing Her cleavage (which I was lucky enough to do a few times). The ‘hand relief’ which the ads often referred to as well seemed to suggest that you could use your hand on your willy while She modelled, but the thought of that was too scary really – I couldn’t imagine rubbing myself watching a girl pose, that seemed far too rude, and anyway I knew just watching Her would make me do it spontaneously in my underpants. ‘Going down on……’I heard this said a few times, I think when I first started work. It was usually used in the context of “I went down on..” or “She went down on…” The only thing it seemed to relate to was ‘being sent down’, or maybe coming down with an illness. As I recall, the conversations though were part of the usual banter at work about relationships or nights out or whatever. I couldn’t make the connection, and once foolishly asked “were you ill?”, off guard and not realising the sexual context of the conversation. Fortunately everyone laughed as if I’d made a joke, though I couldn’t see what was funny. It did suggest though what they might have been talking about and I put it out of my mind. Get laidI think I heard escort aliağa this is American films first, probably the Russ Meyer films I went to see in the 80s. They were an important part of me beginning to realise what things were about, or at least the very start of that process. I still didn’t relate ‘getting laid’ with anything to do with sex, I knew people slept together but I’d never made the step of connecting that to having sex, and getting laid just seem to refer to going to lie down in a bed – and go to sleep. ScrewFrom the early days this word seemed to feature often in the conversations people had about relationships, going out (‘dating’), ‘getting lucky’ or whatever. All the euphemisms people used to use in those days were effective in throwing me off the scent of what people were really talking about, and more often than not making me feel very confused. So ‘screw’ I took to mean something like ‘unlock’ or ‘twist’ and that implied cleverness or skill of some sort. You have to remember that way back then, sex wasn’t discussed in polite company, not on the TV or in films, not in mixed company at work. So unless you had inside knowledge, as everybody apart from me did, i.e. ‘nudge nudge, wink wink, know what I mean?’ you were, and I was, completely in the dark.ShagThis was, I now know, an English expression, more commonly used than the previous word. That didn’t help me any more though to know what it meant when it featured in the same sort of conversations. I’d seen somewhere that it was a type of tobacco, and then when I became aware, years later, that women also had pubic hair, that seemed the obvious explanation, specially when I heard sheep referred to as ‘shaggy’. In the magazines I bought, the most you saw – and I wanted to see – was underwear. It was a shock when those first mags went for ‘full frontal’ (the first time I’d heard that expression). A ‘threesome’This was I think a later expression, and I’d heard it used in the context of ‘liking a threesome’, usually with someone and presumably someone else. At first I thought it referred to dancing, since from the 60s onwards people didn’t dance in pairs any more, it was more free for all. Then when I heard reference to ‘going for a threesome’, I assumed it was the more modern sort of dating where people didn’t just go out as a couple. Going all the wayThis was around in the 70s I think, and I first heard it I think in a ‘Carry On’ film – referring to buying a bus ticket and ‘going all the way’ to the depot I assumed. It was frequently used as an innuendo so after a while it sunk in what it meant, at least that is was a sexual reference, even if I didn’t know where ‘all the way’ would end up. I found it useful because it was a euphemism I felt comfortable using when I was explaining to a girl (on the phone of course) what happened to me when I looked at pictures – “I often go all the way, just looking, in my underpants, if you know what I mean”.ScoreThis came from American TV I’m sure, and I’d only previously understood it to be in the context of ‘goal’ or ‘strike’. It never occurred to me that someone was claiming that they’d ‘got lucky’ with a girl, I never saw the connection and always assumed they were talking about some sport they’d been involved in.Heavy pettingAnother old-fashioned expression, it sounded euphemistic but why I didn’t know. I knew girls were supposed to like horses and dogs – pets – so I assumed that was the connection. Nothing sexual about it at all, I was sure.Fore-playWhich I now understand is what the previous word describes. Early hearings of its use suggested something like a card game, or doubles in tennis. Then I realised how it was spelt and understood it to be something that happens before play – I just didn’t twig what sort of play, how would I? I was never in that situation or even thought about it, ever. ‘Skin’ or ‘johnny-bag’I heard blokes use these words first at school, associated with something illicit but very enjoyable, aliağa escort bayan and something that ‘you needed before heading out for the evening’. I’d no idea why, and formed the view it was something to do with ‘roll-ups’ – cigarettes you made yourself because they were cheaper. The ‘skin’ would be the fag-paper I imagined, while a ‘johnny-bag’ was used to carry the tobacco round. Bare-backThis was even more mysterious, and associated with a very daring act. Was it riding a horse with no saddle like Indians did in the cowboy films? Maybe, yes? “I went bare-back!” “Wow” everyone would say, nudge nudge, wink, wink. I’d have to grin knowingly too, so as not to be left out, but I couldn’t think why Pete from 4c would be riding a horse – where would he get it from? Were his folks rich? I didn’t think so. Queer / homo / lesboIn those unenlightened days (homosexuality was i*****l back then) ‘queers’ were types you had to watch out for. I assumed it was because they weren’t normal, but I wasn’t sure in what way. Whereas ‘lesbos’ were regarded more as weird women – it was to be years later before men found ‘girl/girl’ as exciting (see? I know all the expressions now, me!) I knew the world was a strange place but never concerned myself too much with such matters as these. I knew I was different, but only gradually confronted that over time, coming to enjoy it very much and now happy to acknowledge I’m a pervert. Gang-bangI’m not sure when I first heard this – it was in a pop song once too – but I knew what gangs were and so a gang-bang was to me just some sort of get-together. I guess it was, but not in the way I thought! Not till years later, thanks as always to the Internet, for me the great educator, where I finally learnt more than I wanted to know about sex.69I never understood what this meant, even when it was being used in context in conversations. Somehow I always associated it with the song ‘Route 66’ and thought it must be some sort of bastardisation of that, as in a sort of fun thing to do maybe. I never gave it much thought, and it was never something that I was ever going to be involved in, or wanted to, when I eventually did learn what it really means. Other words like bonk, bang, bugger were either what they literally meant to me – ‘bang’ was with a hammer – or were just swear words, like ‘bugger it’. Words for the genitals were ones I’d heard from c***dhood, and it didn’t seem out of place to use cock or dick, willy. However, for female anatomy, when I heard discussions about this, or referring to it in conversations, I never made the connection, and just assumed ‘fanny’ was a slang name for a girl (it’s also a real girls’ name too of course), ‘pussy’ in much later use was I thought a reference to girls generally being a pushover, i.e. not as strong as men. ‘Cunt’ was widely used at school to describe an enemy, someone who was nasty, and it never occurred to me it had any other meaning. Obviously ‘wank’ and ‘cum’, or ‘spunk’, were words I quickly picked up on – all boys talked about wanking and the associated words with that, but it wasn’t until I realised that it was looked down on by most blokes, who regard ‘wankers’ as feeble, useless types who couldn’t ’get with’ girls and had to do it to themselves. I was terrified that that truth about me would get out, everyone would know about it, but it never did, not until I started work and then I wanted some people – girls I worshipped that is – to know. And some did. Words and expressions in use in later years were heard in a time when I was being forcibly educated with every visit online, whether I wanted it or not. So often I found out about something, whether it was ‘anal’ or ‘rimming’, and all sorts of other things, when happening by chance on a web-page and seeing it before I had the chance to hastily exit.Nowadays it seems anything goes, for both sexes, and though nudity is still far too much for me, I do enjoy the thought of someone like Miss Angela White gang-banging with 2 or 3 or more guys, and would love to tell Her that just seeing Her cleavage makes me cum in my underpants. After all these years, I love being a wanker. Pity I’m still not as totally naive as I was – it was fun looking back on it!